Monday, April 15, 2013

How to protect your child from your love?

Being a parent is one of the most important life roles.
Give birth to a new being, create a new life, watch it grow, to prepare them for independent living is neither simple nor easy.
Although parental love is in most cases an endless and although a huge number of parents want their children the best, the practice shows that a very small percentage of them succeed in that mission.


Successful parents are those who manage to equip their children to live independently.
To bring them to that to be mature and responsible person, to know who they are, how to live a life in accordance with his being, and how to realize their potential.

Almost all parents want, but very few of them and succeed in doing so. Why is this so? There are many reasons and causes, but they can all be reduced to the fact that most parents are simply not taught how to accomplish that.

Endless love for their children and wish them all the best in life is simply not enough.

One common parental misconception is the belief that the amount of worry that they feel the same amount of love.
The more a parent worries about  their child the child is more protected. The more fears over security of their offspring, the child is more protected.
Many parents believe deep down that if you  do not  fear for your child and if you (and the child) is not harassing cares and that means that they are not good parents.
Many have this magical belief that their concerns and fears protect their kids.

And the opposite is true - with fears and worries that go beyond reality, parents are actually harming their children!
Children feel the feelings of their parents, and when a parent is upset and scared to be transmitted to the child. Also, when parents worry and fear more than they in reality have a reason for it, their children send the following messages:

"The world is a dangerous place"
"You are not able to function independently."

And in this way lead the child to become scared and clingy. Thus hamper and hinder their children.

Ask any parent: "Do you want your child to be insecure in his self and afraid of life?" the answer would be, "Of course not want my child to live a beautiful and fulfilling life, to be happy, happy and free!"
If you then ask, "Do you know how you can achieve?" the vast majority will not know the answer.

How parents can prevent that despite the enormous love of your fears and concerns harm to their children and make them less capable of beautiful and fulfilling life?

Here are some guidelines:

Examine it, do you believe that parental love is the same as a concern?

In any situation when you feel fear or worry, ask yourself how realistic are these feelings? How likely is it that all these atrocities to happen to your child as soon as you leave / let alone.

Ask yourself, "Based on what I believe my child will cope in this situation?". If you have some reasons, if your child does not have any skills that they need, teach them. It will be more beneficial than you watch in horror.

When you feel fear or worries, ask yourself "What can I do in this situation to protect my child?". If there is something, do it. If not, driving yourself with worries and fears is unnecessary and, I repeat, harmful!

Remind yourself of all the qualities and abilities of your child, keep them in mind when you are in contact with him. Thus empower them, and showing that you trust them to teach them to have confidence in yourself.

Instead of imagining the worst possible scenario, imagine how your child is happy and content.

Do not let yourself get overwhelmed with fears and concerns! Your responsibility as a parent is to be calm and functional, the only way you can be of benefit to your children.

Keep confidence in your children, so they grow stronger, and thus more protected.
Be a good example for your child if you know how to take care of yourself your child will learn that simply by watching you!

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Saturday, April 6, 2013

The biggest act of love!

There's a beautiful story of how one boy asked his father how much he earns per hour. His father said $ 50. Then the son asked if he could lend him $ 25, to which the father got angry and told him to leave him alone. He just came home from work, tired, and now he's son is bothering him. After a while he calmed down, went to his son and gave him $ 25. Sin  folded under the pillow took some money and the father got angry again. Why did he ask for the money when he already had some? He works so much and his son only wants to buy stupid things!

His son said: "Dad, do not be mad. I was asking for money because I did not have enough. Now I have. Here's $ 50, come tomorrow an hour earlier to have dinner together."

Another story tells of how an old man  found himself in the attic of his son's diary, in which he described the best day of his life. It was a day when the two of them first went fishing. He looked at his diary and saw that it was the same day he wrote, "I've wasted the day  and did not earn anything."


Time is something that we are all assigned to the same degree. Everyone's day lasts 24 hours. Not a minute less, not a minute more. We differentiate ourselves by how we use it. Some are good at it and some are not.
There are different ways to show love, and the father in the story that much more work is probably showing his love for his son show-so he wants to earn more money and provide him the best possible living conditions.

The problem is that the boy concludes, "You have no time for me, I'm not important, you do not love me."
It's nice when others buy us gifts, but that's not enough. No relationship can not be based on material values.

To build any kind of relationship, you need to take time for people we care about. You need to spend time with them, to pay attention to them. Not only watch, but also see. Not only listen, but hear.

Many children have grown up feeling unloved, even though their parents loved them infinitely. They loved them so much that they worked more than one job just to earn more money for their children to ensure better living conditions.
And then, overnight, you see a grown up stranger critisizing you, angry with you, telling you that you don`t know anything about them.

There are also many love affairs and marriages that are broken though it was love between them. Men were rushing in all directions to make as much, to show that they are capable and successful, so their loved ones become proud of them. Women are also raced in all directions, working, raising the children, cooking, preparing the house, pleasing their man. And then after a while the two strangers who once loved each other meet, both unhappy, disappointed, with a feeling that none of it gave not enough.

And it's not enough. To make the relationship work, and grow, it is necessary to spend time together, the talks are necessary, we need a common activity in which all those involved enjoy.


In business you can not be successful if you do not invest enough time and energy in your work assignments.
Why do you think that is possible in close relationships?

Maybe you did not know, you might have thought that others know that you love them by doing things for them. Because they give up and sacrifice to give them something. Now you know that is not so.

Your son will not  be furious because he does not have the best shoes, if you were with him on the fishing trip. He`ll insist for new shoes because he thinks that this is evidence of his value. Because he thinks he is not valuable and interesting. Where did he get that idea? His own father never took the time just for him, just to be with him, to hear him at the school, to see his album with pictures super hero.

Your partner will not love you less if  in the sink there are three plates and four glasses. They will not notice it until you see it with a smile, happy to be there next to you. He will be angry and disappointed, he will feel unloved when after the whole  day of disinfecting the house you do not have time and energy to listen. You're so tired you have no strength left to hug him. No, he is not ungrateful, he's just a human being which needs attention and which need you for taking the time for him. Because he is important.

In today's chronic shortage of time, how to solve this problem?
By planned spending time with you dear and loved ones. Plane that when you  plan your day, week, month ... and keep in mind that your loved ones and that they need your time, you need them more.

I recently read that one man (who works very hard and is successful in his work) wrote that, although they were handing out thousands of miles, his sweetheart, and he sat next to each of your computer and watch the same movie. And even though they were physically razdovojeni they were close. Closer than some who may have sat side by side, each in their thoughts and their plans.

Will you therefore be less productive and successful? No, quite the contrary. You will be calmer, happier, more fulfilled. You will have more energy, the faster you deliver. You will have more time and energy for you and your family. This is creating of a new circle, this time  pleasant  one, filled with moments of intimacy and love.

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Sunday, March 17, 2013

Soulmates-do they exist?

There is a myth that tells us how human beings were once the perfect blend of masculine and feminine. These creatures are called androgynous and were so perfect and powerful that the gods envy them, and decided not to allow someone to be more perfect than them. Halved these powerful beings and, as legend has it, split half and roam the world to find one after the other, to come together again and become perfect and powerful again.

This sounds good, kinda romantic. Knowing that in this world there is someone who is made for you and with whom you will, when you finally find him, function perfectly. And it is just a farytale. It is unrealistic and impossible. And also the source of many problems in  love life and one of the biggest obstacles in the search for a romantic partner.


Here are a few reasons why you believe in it for you there is only one soul mate can adversely affect your love life:

  • If we believe that we have one half of a perfect being, this means that in this world, for us there is only one right person. This belief narrows our choice to just one person, and also sets the criteria  too high-that someone has to suit us perfectly. Looking for the one person in the whole world that suits us is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Where to go, what to do? This belief also puts us in a passive position, waiting for fate to have mercy on us and allow us to meet with her other half. 

  • believes that this will be the one person to function perfectly, and as soon as the first occurrence of disagreements, misunderstandings first, that we are apt to declare that person unrelated soul, hang up and keep looking for the right soul-mate. We expect that person to always know what we think, what we want, what we need, what bothers us ... 

  • feeling of emptiness and incompleteness interpret our lack of the second half, and instead we look at ourselves, take responsibility for yourself, your life and your happiness, waiting for the one who is perfect for us and complement our appearance. We believe that it will meet with the person to lead our discontent disappear and to fill our inner emptiness without anything that we have taken on this issue. 

  • We believe that we will soon meet the person know right away that it is "it", we somehow feel it. And in that way and deprive yourself, and some good people a chance to get to know each other, come together and may continue through life together. Not a perfect blend that works perfect, but as two imperfect individuals that invest time and energy in order to build together something beautiful and valuable for both. 

When the myth of soulmates understood only as a beautiful story, and when we accept the reality that we are imperfect, it is a human right and that there are more people in this world who can match us and with whom we can build a nice but imperfect and pleasant affair-then itself increases the chances that our love life is beautiful and full.
Then the passive position of waiting to meet soulmate is shifted towards the active position of searching for optimal love, someone that travels through life, whole or part, may be beautiful and harmonious.

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How to become more attractive?

Although most people say that looks are not important, research shows that is not so. In a number of studies repeated the following form: when they ask respondents whether how someone looks is important, most of them say no, but when you put them in a situation to choose, they choose the most physically attractive person.

Physical appearance is not important, or at least not a crucial factor in maintaining relationships, but it is important in the  first contact. Physical appearance is something that, whether we like it or not, other people will notice first. Many of you will say, "But I want someone to love me for who I am, not because of how I look." As it is an either-or situation. You are either pretty or nice person. And that's not true. All combinations are possible: that someone is a bad person and good looking, nice person and good looking, the bad person and the ugly and the bad person and good looking. If in this equation we introduce the wit, the same rules remain. Someone can be beautiful, smart and a good person, nice, stupid, bad man, etc.. The illusion of choice between beauty and brains is more common in women, and therefore many wonderful women who have much to offer, not only does not stand out but sometimes conceal their physical beauty. They refuse to put the makeup on, not  wear skirts, dresses, high  heels, will not wear long hair ... just because they don`t  to be put in the category of "a pretty stupid / superficial."
If you accept that it is important how you look, and pay attention to that aspect of your being, you increase the chance to make more people interested in zou, and therefore have a bigger and better selection of potential candidates for the relationship. This is true for both men and women.
This does not mean that you should go for plastic surgery to fit in the current aesthetic trends, nor to dress in the latest fashion.
That means taking care to highlight what is beautiful on you, and how you dress reflects your personality.
When women emphasize their femininity, they become more attractive to men. When men emphasize their masculinity, they become more attractive to women.
It does not make zou a superficial person, nor will it reduce your inner qualities. On the contrary, it will enrich you for another dimension-besides being a pleasant company, you'll be pleasant to look at.

Most people do not make a distinction between beauty and attractiveness. Beauty is such a subjective category we know, every society and every era has its own criteria. And individuals differ in to what is good. One may look nice, have a good looking body, has regular features, nicely dressed  and noone approaches them. There are many people who conclude on the basis that they are not beautiful, or that something is wrong with them.

Are we going to be attractive to others does not depend on our physical characteristics, it depends on our attitude.
It depends on what we think about our appearance, if we believe that we are beautiful  most others will perceive us that way.
The second, more important factor is the attractiveness of nonverbal messages you send to others about whether to approach us or not. Other people feel if you are open to communication, and on that basis, usually unconsciously, decide whether or not to approach you. If someone seems distant and closed, others will take that as a "do not come near me," and will save themselfs a potential rejection.


The most important attraction factor is how you feel about yourself. If you feel comfortable in your own skin, if you like the life you live and if you think of yourself that you have something to offer to others, you will be charming and attractive. Nonverbal messages you send, "I'm worth getting to know people and  it is worth spending time with me."

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Thursday, February 28, 2013

How to find a romantic partner?

How to choose a romantic partner?

With your mind or with your heart?


If you choose to  rely on your mind only and ignore your heart, it will hurt you and will not be able to love. You will give up an important part of your being and take away the joy and energy of life.

If you choose by your heart, you risk being hurt and enfd up heartbroken. Heart, as a symbol of all our feelings, is like a compass-leads us to where we want to be. The problem is that the compass can be broken. The heart may be confused about the various misconceptions about ourselves, other people and relationships. Heart can exclaim "Yes! That's it! " intuitively recognize  someone who  will play a role in our life scenario and confirm our belief that we are not worthy of love.

Ideal combination is when the mind and heart work together. When you allow yourself to feel, but questions these feelings, think about ourselves and others.

Love is an essential ingredient of romantic relationships, but it is not sufficient and does not guarantee that the relationship will last and that the partners will work nicely. The fact that some feel the love, and that love is reciprocated, is no guarantee that the relationship will last a lifetime. What is the guarantee that the relationship will last a lifetime? As far as I know, no such thing exists.

What reduces the likelihood of errors and increases the probability of correct choice is the awareness of what it is important and necessary to us , what are our life values ​​and life goals.
If we want a  heart to lead us to a peaceful port rather than the dangerous cliffs, it is important to first know ourselves.

Or, as Francis Bacon advised us, "let's be honest with ourselves that we would not be false to others." Rousseau would nodded and added, "We remain unknown to people's hearts, if not first discover our own."
Nietzsche would be followed up with "marriages are unhappy not because of a lack of love but lack of friendship."

What makes the relationship stable, lasting and fulfilling are the common values, interests and life goals. 
If one  person is traveling to Alaska  and the other travels to New Zealand, they  will not be able to travel together as much as they'd like.

When asked what kind of relationship should be there is no single correct answer. There are no standards for love. A good relationship is one where both partners are satisfied and they can be as they are. 
In order to select a partner that suits us we need to know what it is that suits us, what we need and what is important to us. 

Here are some questions that can serve as an inspiration for further search for your personal correct answers. 
How do you like to spend your free time? 

What is it you enjoy? 

How is art important to you in life?

How do you like  to recreate yourself? 

How important to you is personal development? 

Do you find it is important that you be loving partner and friend? 

Do you like to travel? If so, to which destinations and what kinds of arrangements? 

What do you like to talk about? 
Do you love that you are constantly surrounded by people, or do you need some periods of loneliness? 

How you work is important in life? Is that an area that is important to you, or just something that you do to make money? 

Do you want children?

What are your religious / spiritual views? 

Is  loyalty  important fot you in a love relationship? 

How important is sex for you? 

Search for romantic partner and building satisfying romantic relationships are processes that require time and commitment. If  all you read here makes sense to you, I suggest you write regularly, just for myself, all issues concerning partners and romantic relationships and all the answers you can think of. When you see them written down it will be  easier for you  to review and possibly revise them, and that way prepare yourself  to be a loving partner in a relationship in which you both enjoy. And who knows, you might become one another and life partners. 

Feel free to comment and share this with your friends! :)

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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Self love- what it is not, and what it is?

Self-love is the basis of quality and full life.
Without it there is no love for others, there is no pleasure in life, there are no good human relations.

When you love yourself  you do not expect others to do that for us.
When we love ourselves we are not  burden for others,  we become their inspiration.

Self-love is often mistakenly equated with selfishness and narcissism.
Selfishness is putting oneself in the center and the neglect of others. Healthy self-love leaves room for others and take them into account.
Narcissism is a disorder in which the emphasis is on comparing yourself with others and constantly emphasizing personal superiority (whether they are real or not).

Egoism and narcissism are not only not the same as self-love, they are its opposite.

Love is a feeling that is directed at one's being. It is an "as a person I'm okay, I'm important and my needs are important." kind of attitude.

No one is perfect, and it's okay to be unhappy with some of your characteristics, habits, things you did ...
Dissatisfaction is good when we are motivated to learn and grow, and as long as it focuses on some parts of ourselves and not ourselves as a whole.
Self-love is often "learned" from a parent or guardian. We accept the way they showed their love to us, and when we grow up we behave towards ourselves in a similar way.
Someone who has often received criticism on his own being and not the behavior ("You're clumsy!" Instead of "Please be a little more cautious," "You're stupid!" Instead of "You did not understand the assignment, explain it to you again, and I need a little more to practice "...) continues into adulthood itself sends such a message, and believes that he will be as good enough to be loved.

Loving yourself is not about being self-sufficient, it does not mean that we do not need the love of others. As in many ways more like men, partnership, friendly, family, ... so we can love others and ourselves.

The first step towards the development of self-love is to accept that it's okay to love yourself and desirable, it is not egotistical or narcissistic.
The next step is to learn to distinguish between being and behavior, and consciously joining forces for what to think of ourselves, and we address ourselves with love.

We can not learn to love others or  ourselves overnight. It is a process that consists of small steps every day and showing the love of self. Taking care of what we need, what we like and what we do not feel good, taking for himself the separation of time and energy for yourself and your needs.

What is important is that behind all of our acts a  message to yourself is, "I'm good and worthy of love."
Questions that may help you to orient yourself in the process, and see if you're on the right track:

"Would I have behaved  this way towards someone you love?"

"Would I say this someone you love?"

"Would I like to be in the company of someone who behaves like this towards me in how I behave towards you?"

"To me it felt good to show love yourself?"

"How would I have behaved towards you if I loved you? After what would it be different from my previous behavior towards you?"

Would you trust someone who tells you that he loves you and never has time for you, I do not know what you like and what you do not like, do not ask you how you are, do not do anything for you, not help you, not paying attention to you .. .? I guess you would not.

For the same reason it is not enough to say "I love you." Or repeating affirmations such as "I am a perfect being and is easy to love me." like a parrot.

Part of the everyday and small, and not words, are what makes the difference between "I love myself" and "I hate myself."

You  can, at the end of each day to rewind the movie and see with how much love you have behaved towards you. Praise yourself for every small step forward, be patient and persistent and  gove yourself self worth gestures and words of love, and after a while it will become a habit after a while you manage to convince yourself that you really are worthy of love and that you deserve to love yourself and to receive love from others.

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Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Why being happy is good for you?

"When I was five years old my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I wrote " happy. "They told me I did not understand the assignment, and I told them  that they did not understand life. "
John Lennon


Many people believe that happiness is a kind of luxury, something that can be felt only after solving all the problems of life, and when conditions are favorable.
Some even believe that it is frivolous and irresponsible to be happy when so many of them have important life tasks. They need to finish school, get a job, earn money, pay bills, secure his shelter and educate children ...
Some even believe that they are more serious, more mature and dignified when you are  frown and worry global concerns.

Being happy and satisfied for the great majority of people is somewhere at the bottom of priorities. Something that they gave up as soon as they've grown up and realized "what is a life."

In the past twenty years, psychologists have their attention diverted from the disorder and problems to development of human resources and  improvement of the quality of life. They practiced among other things, the study of happiness and on the basis of a large number of studies, conducted in many countries and on a large number of people they came to the following conclusion:

Being happy is not only beautiful but also healthy and beneficial!

Happy people enjoy the following benefits:

  • are more sociable and have more energy

  • are more compassionate and cooperative

  • others prefer them

  • are more likely to marry and stay married

  • They have a rich network of friends and social support

  • are more flexible in thinking and original

  • are more productive at work

  • are better leaders and negotiators, and earn more money

  • they are more resistant to difficult conditions

  • have a stronger immune system

  • they arephysically healthier

  • live longer

Not enough? :)

Now you're probably wondering what needs to happen so that you become happy and enjoy all these benefits. I do not know the answer to that question. I do not know what happens and someone becomes happy. I've never heard that one happened something like that, it's easy to become happy.

But, if you are wondering what it is that you can work, perseverance, dedication and patience, and to build on them attitudes and behaviors that result in a feeling of happiness and well-being of an idea and the policy can be found in these articles:
 A little secret to big success!
Three causes of happiness

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A little secret for big success!

What is the secret to happiness and success?

How to achieve well-being?

How to achieve success?

How to become popular?

How to become loved?

It is no longer a novelty that gratitude is the basis of true happiness and prosperity.

Of course, it is not enough just to be grateful, activity directed towards the achievement of desires and goals is required, we need patience and persistence, but without gratitude is all that much harder. Even when we manage without gratitude for what we have,there will be  lacking a sense of fulfillment and pleasure.

I believe that most of you agree with this statement. And most of you will read something like that and say, "Yes, I am grateful." and continue to deal with some "more" important things in life. After a while, when you read "It is important to be grateful." you might say, "Well, I'm grateful and nothing, neither have the perfect relationship, nor my fortune, and politicians looking away lying and stealing, getting rich tycoons  ... I'm tired of these psychological nonsense!"

If gratitude is the basis of true happiness and prosperity, and I am grateful for everything I have, how come I still do not feel real happiness and prosperity???

Or the theory about gratefullness is not true, or maybe there is something wrong with me. Perhaps this is true for some other people, but not for me.

And maybe I don`t know how to be grateful? How does it work?
How do you become grateful?

It is necessary to develop a state of gratitude ... every day!

When  you expect that when you say "I am thankful!" zou immediately experience the happiness and everything goes like clockwork, it's as if you go to one workout at the gym and expect a perfectly sculpted muscles.

Only when appreciation becomes a habit and a lifestyle you can expect benefits in the form of peace, joy and success.
To remind you, the habit is acquired over time, not overnight.

Some theories say that it takes an average of one month to form a habit.
But not  one month of wishing to get into the habit, but a month of daily activities aimed at acquiring habits.
You can extract each day to at least three things that you are grateful. Fewer each day is better than more things but only once.

Keeping a journal of gratitude  speeds up the creation of good habits even more. In addition, you'll always have a handy reminder when you lose inspiration or fall into a negative phase (it happens to everyone).

Next, it is necessary also important to focus on something concrete to feel gratitude.

It's not enough to say "I'm grateful."

It's not enough to say "I am grateful for everything."

For what is possible to be grateful?

The list is limitless, but here are some examples:


-Good health (if one is suffering from a disease, thanks be to focus on what is healthy for him)

-Healing (even a small shift in the cured)

-Good family relationships,

-Job (if one does not work, can be thankful for all you know how to do),

-Good weather

-Shinning sun,

-Rain that drizzles,

-Day nicespent,

-Problems that are solved

-A kindness that was shown to us,

-Small gesture that made it easy to do things,

-A phone call,

-Nice message,

-Nice word,

-Smile that someone had sent,

-Talent that we have,

-Success, no matter how small it is,

-Little progress in something that is important,

-A smile that we elicited,

Trip-where you were,

-Good people who have a chance to know

-Good people that you just know,

-Music that you good day,

-Good book you've read,

-Good food that you eat,

-Time that someone gave to you,

- ........................

Feel free to update this list of comments. For what it is possible to be grateful?

As I said, the list is unlimited, this is just an inspiration. The more you practice the more  ideas for gratefulness  you have and the more situations and events worthy of gratitude you will notice it.

I will repeat once again, a habit  is acquired by paying attention to everyday concrete opportunities for thanksgiving.

In addition to exercise recognising opportunities for appreciation, it is important to use every opportunity to express our gratitude to others, because no one can know that we are grateful when we do not say, and because everyone feels good to hear that.
Someone may, when saying, "I am grateful to you for ..." say, "It was nothing," but do not be fooled.
Everyone will remember those kind words, and be grateful for them, regardless of whether it shows or not.

You like what you read?
Make sense?
Do not believe a word! :) Check whether this is true or psychologists to me just talk, to pass the time :)

Over the next five days, record, or at least think about three specific things you are grateful for.
And pay attention to how you feel when you direct the attention of gratitude.

And speaking of gratefulness, one of the many things  I'm grateful for is that my articles you read and follow my site and blog. I am grateful for likes, sharing, comments and questions.

Thank you, my dear readers! :)

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Monday, January 21, 2013

Men-are they insensitive?

Numerous studies on the topic of emotional Intelligence show that men are less emotionally intelligent than women.

How does  research prove taht? By the great majority of these studies men score lower on tests of emotional intelligence.
They are worse in recognizing  feelings of others.
They appoint their feelings with less success.
They have more difficulty expressing their feelings.



Is this proof that insensitive? It is not!

This is just a proof that men are generally less skilled in assessing, recognizing and naming emotions.
They are less in touch with their feelings and have a sophisticated technique of repression and avoidance.

Why is this so?

From the very beginning of the human species, while our ancestors lived in caves, men were in charge of the food supply and protection of  the family.
In such circumstances, where behind every bush lurks a dangerous animal, being gentle, compassionate, in touch with their feelings  meant certain death or return to the cave without a catch.

From the territory that belongs to them depended if they  will be able to feed and protect their family. And that is why they fought with men from other tribes. That's why they went to war. Being gentle, compassionate and in touch with their feelings on the battlefield  also meant certain death.

As time went by, we as a species have evolved, and so we came to the industrial revolution and capitalism.
Dangerous beasts lurking behind every bush now acting like babies compared to Labrador baby.
Now men need to be even more "strong", "robust", "unscrupulous" ...

And so the men have always been taught that emotions are something that is dangerous and unnecessary to them. Were taught how to suppress them. And because they have thousands of years of experience in the denial of their feelings,  they became skilled in repressing their feelings. Practice makes perfect.

And then came the twentieth century. First feminism. Women got rid of centuries of slavery and poured all the anguish and bitterness on men. Proclaimed them the greatest enemies and decided to show them that they are better than them, that they are superior species. As the decades passed, this kind of reaction has calmed down and eventually led to a more  balanced attitude towards men.
Now, most women do not think that men are the enemy, most women believe that men are  friendly species and wishes living with them in an peace and harmony.
They want to share their  feelings with men, to be close. And men massively  fail the tests of emotional intelligence.

What is happening  these days  when 2-3 year old girls get affraid? Or falls down and hits it and starts crying?
All the people get soft and run up to comfort them.
What happens when a boy of 2-3 years experience something similar?
Will he get attention, hugs, comforting? Unlikely.
He receives a sentence like "Do not be a baby / girl," "Shame on you, do not let anyone see you cry!" ...
And when he learns a lesson and refrain tears or fear, he receives a "You are a hero!"


Many women complain that men do not want to talk, especially about feelings, not wondering who's ever talked to them, particularly about feelings.
They  declare them insensitive, instead of seeing how many of them are confused about their feelings and inner life. Not because it is an innate characteristic but because they learned early on that "it should be that way".

Many studies and daily life show that men are generally more aggressive than women.
Why is this so?
Partly because of testosterone, and partly because the anger is considered a "male" feeling and allow the boys.
And more importantly-because anger and aggression often cover fear, sadness and shame, feelings that  are "forbidden" for men.

And so the boys grow up with the message that being a man means to be strong and not let anything touch or move them. That the feelings are for the girls. And when they grow they  experience problems. Girls who have now become women  accuse them of being insensitive. This creates a conflict: how to be a man  and to show emotions?

How to be emotional when it is contrary to the definition of manhood and masculinity?

The solution may be to change the definition of manhood and masculinity. Times are different now, men do not go hunting and wild animals had stopped lurking behind every bush.

In this day and age and at this stage of human development being gentle, compassionate and in touch with their feelings is not life threatening.

It is time to recognize it, acknowledge and move into the redefinition of the term "man".

This redefinition would be proper only if it involves itself in man as a whole being, that someone besides thoughts and actions, and have feelings.

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