Monday, December 17, 2012

Anger- is it the enemy of love?

Feelings can be positive and negative. Positive emotions are love, joy, peace ... Negative feelings are anger, sadness, frustration ... When we feel positive feelings that means that all is well, when we feel negative feelings that means there is something wrong with us.

Completely natural and clear. As it is quite natural that the sun shines 24 hours and that spring lasts 12 months of the year.


If we accept this distinction of feelings, it means that we either push all those feelings that we consider unacceptable, and we will be aware of and believe that there is something wrong with us. We will believe that if we love someone, we will feel love all the time. If we happen to feel anger toward that person we will start questioning the quality of the relationship.

"If you really loved me you would never be mad at me. Since I see that you're angry that means you do not love me."

Categorisation of feelings that is much closer to  reality is the distinction between pleasant and unpleasant feelings. Both of them have a function. The function of anger is to let the other person know that  he does or not does bothers us. The function of love is to provide us a feeling of security, belonging and importance.

The main difference between love and anger is that love is a feeling which is related to one's whole being, and anger is related to one's behavior. When we look at things, it is clear that it is not only possible, but also desirable to allow yourself and others to feel and show anger.

"I love you, our relationship is important to me and that is why I want to tell you what bothers me."

Some of you will now say, "Yes, but it can all be said calmly , why anger?". Right,  can say that with calm tone in the voice, and the other person will hear us and understand-but only on the cognitive, reflective level. On the emotional level, our message will not be taken seriously, it will not be convincing. If you want to feel an emotional connection with another being, it is important to communicate accordingly-with emotion.

If in the love relationship of any kind (parents, friends, partner ...) we allow only pleasant feelings, if we do not communicate what bothers us, there is a risk that  we will accumulate the amount of  unpleasant feelings in us, to the point where we can no longer endure a person. Just because we expected that someone could read our mind and know what bothers us.

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Saturday, December 15, 2012

Three causes of happiness- what determines how happy we are?

All people want to feel happiness, peace and contentment. Everybody wants to live in prosperity, they all want to live a good life.

But few people know how to accomplish that.
For how many people around you can not say that they are happy?
Would you characterize yourself as a happy person?


If you're like most people the answer to the first question will be zero or one, and the answer to the second question will be rarely, sometimes, not enough ...

When we say  happiness we can think of two things:

  •  a feeling of happiness that we feel when we fulfill a desire or achieve a goal and

  • happiness as a state, a mood that is a great deal of time there in the background of what is happening to us and what we experience in our lives.

Both definitions are correct, and each of these two types of happiness is important and necessary, but in this article I will discuss the second type and its causes.

So, which determines whether the happiness and well-being will be our normal state?

Are these genes, environmental conditions, financial status, marital status, personality traits, thinking ....?

After years of research conducted on a large number of people in different states, psychologists who deal with the investigation of happiness have come to the conclusion that all the above factors affect how we feel happiness in our life, and calculate the percentage by which each of these factors is determined.

  • based on research done on twins,they  found that about 50% of the causes of happiness lies in our genes and the influence of family circumstances.


  • about 10% of causes are related to environmental factors such as occupation, income, health status, marital status .... So, on what you do, how much you earn, how healthy you are, what is the marital status of the country where you live, who is in power .... depends  only 10% of the amount of happiness you feel.


The genes you inherited you can not influence. Temper with which you were born, you can not change (but you can learn how to  live with the way you are).
On life circumstances can influence to a certain extent.

Of which depends on the remaining 40% of our feelings of happiness? And if it's something you can not influence?

You will agree that 40% is not small. Imagine that you are 40% happier than you are now?

There are two factors that together influence whether we today, tomorrow, next week will be 40% happier or unhappier as follows:

  • the way we think and

  • what we do in order to be filled with happiness and live in prosperity.

40% of our subjective experience of happiness depends on:

* How we interpret events in our lives,

* What we tell ourselves

* What we do each day to make us a better life

* Do we allow ourselves to be happy

* ....................

All this can change!
Everyone, regardless of their origin and genetic heritage, regardless of current life circumstances, may be 40% happier than they currently are.

Sounds too optimistic? I agree. Not everyone who just wants.
But can anyone who is willing to dedicate themselves every day and do at least something for yourself and your quality of life!

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Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Closeness and emotional distance

Closeness with another human being is  necessary and important. This is what feeds our soul and gives us strength. We feel that someone understands, accepts, we the experience of sharing ...

But, while looking for and longing for intimacy, we  often forget another, equally important and necessary aspect of human relations, and that is  emotional distance.

Quality relationship is not constant proximity of high-intensity, high-quality relationship is a balance of closeness and distance, separation and togetherness, sharing and loneliness.

We all differ in how much  closeness and distance we need  in a relationship, there is no accurate measure. It is therefore important to, while  choosing a partner we take care of how we fit, without evaluation and judgment.

Also, at different times and stages of life, the degree of closeness and distance we need varies and it is natural.

It is important to be aware of when and how to to come closer or make a distance, and it is important that we respect needs and pace of others. With some people we fit in terms of closeness and distance, we need about the same amount and manner of presentation, and this is a good basis for a satisfying relationship.
With other people, regardless of their individual qualities, we simply can not and do not fit. Sometimes it is possible to overcome these differences, and sometimes it is not ... although this finding was not pleasant, although there may be attraction and desire for contact, sometimes it is better to admit to themselves that they are irreconcilable differences and spare themselves and others suffering and disappointment.

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