Thursday, February 28, 2013

How to find a romantic partner?

How to choose a romantic partner?

With your mind or with your heart?


If you choose to  rely on your mind only and ignore your heart, it will hurt you and will not be able to love. You will give up an important part of your being and take away the joy and energy of life.

If you choose by your heart, you risk being hurt and enfd up heartbroken. Heart, as a symbol of all our feelings, is like a compass-leads us to where we want to be. The problem is that the compass can be broken. The heart may be confused about the various misconceptions about ourselves, other people and relationships. Heart can exclaim "Yes! That's it! " intuitively recognize  someone who  will play a role in our life scenario and confirm our belief that we are not worthy of love.

Ideal combination is when the mind and heart work together. When you allow yourself to feel, but questions these feelings, think about ourselves and others.

Love is an essential ingredient of romantic relationships, but it is not sufficient and does not guarantee that the relationship will last and that the partners will work nicely. The fact that some feel the love, and that love is reciprocated, is no guarantee that the relationship will last a lifetime. What is the guarantee that the relationship will last a lifetime? As far as I know, no such thing exists.

What reduces the likelihood of errors and increases the probability of correct choice is the awareness of what it is important and necessary to us , what are our life values ​​and life goals.
If we want a  heart to lead us to a peaceful port rather than the dangerous cliffs, it is important to first know ourselves.

Or, as Francis Bacon advised us, "let's be honest with ourselves that we would not be false to others." Rousseau would nodded and added, "We remain unknown to people's hearts, if not first discover our own."
Nietzsche would be followed up with "marriages are unhappy not because of a lack of love but lack of friendship."

What makes the relationship stable, lasting and fulfilling are the common values, interests and life goals. 
If one  person is traveling to Alaska  and the other travels to New Zealand, they  will not be able to travel together as much as they'd like.

When asked what kind of relationship should be there is no single correct answer. There are no standards for love. A good relationship is one where both partners are satisfied and they can be as they are. 
In order to select a partner that suits us we need to know what it is that suits us, what we need and what is important to us. 

Here are some questions that can serve as an inspiration for further search for your personal correct answers. 
How do you like to spend your free time? 

What is it you enjoy? 

How is art important to you in life?

How do you like  to recreate yourself? 

How important to you is personal development? 

Do you find it is important that you be loving partner and friend? 

Do you like to travel? If so, to which destinations and what kinds of arrangements? 

What do you like to talk about? 
Do you love that you are constantly surrounded by people, or do you need some periods of loneliness? 

How you work is important in life? Is that an area that is important to you, or just something that you do to make money? 

Do you want children?

What are your religious / spiritual views? 

Is  loyalty  important fot you in a love relationship? 

How important is sex for you? 

Search for romantic partner and building satisfying romantic relationships are processes that require time and commitment. If  all you read here makes sense to you, I suggest you write regularly, just for myself, all issues concerning partners and romantic relationships and all the answers you can think of. When you see them written down it will be  easier for you  to review and possibly revise them, and that way prepare yourself  to be a loving partner in a relationship in which you both enjoy. And who knows, you might become one another and life partners. 

Feel free to comment and share this with your friends! :)

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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Self love- what it is not, and what it is?

Self-love is the basis of quality and full life.
Without it there is no love for others, there is no pleasure in life, there are no good human relations.

When you love yourself  you do not expect others to do that for us.
When we love ourselves we are not  burden for others,  we become their inspiration.

Self-love is often mistakenly equated with selfishness and narcissism.
Selfishness is putting oneself in the center and the neglect of others. Healthy self-love leaves room for others and take them into account.
Narcissism is a disorder in which the emphasis is on comparing yourself with others and constantly emphasizing personal superiority (whether they are real or not).

Egoism and narcissism are not only not the same as self-love, they are its opposite.

Love is a feeling that is directed at one's being. It is an "as a person I'm okay, I'm important and my needs are important." kind of attitude.

No one is perfect, and it's okay to be unhappy with some of your characteristics, habits, things you did ...
Dissatisfaction is good when we are motivated to learn and grow, and as long as it focuses on some parts of ourselves and not ourselves as a whole.
Self-love is often "learned" from a parent or guardian. We accept the way they showed their love to us, and when we grow up we behave towards ourselves in a similar way.
Someone who has often received criticism on his own being and not the behavior ("You're clumsy!" Instead of "Please be a little more cautious," "You're stupid!" Instead of "You did not understand the assignment, explain it to you again, and I need a little more to practice "...) continues into adulthood itself sends such a message, and believes that he will be as good enough to be loved.

Loving yourself is not about being self-sufficient, it does not mean that we do not need the love of others. As in many ways more like men, partnership, friendly, family, ... so we can love others and ourselves.

The first step towards the development of self-love is to accept that it's okay to love yourself and desirable, it is not egotistical or narcissistic.
The next step is to learn to distinguish between being and behavior, and consciously joining forces for what to think of ourselves, and we address ourselves with love.

We can not learn to love others or  ourselves overnight. It is a process that consists of small steps every day and showing the love of self. Taking care of what we need, what we like and what we do not feel good, taking for himself the separation of time and energy for yourself and your needs.

What is important is that behind all of our acts a  message to yourself is, "I'm good and worthy of love."
Questions that may help you to orient yourself in the process, and see if you're on the right track:

"Would I have behaved  this way towards someone you love?"

"Would I say this someone you love?"

"Would I like to be in the company of someone who behaves like this towards me in how I behave towards you?"

"To me it felt good to show love yourself?"

"How would I have behaved towards you if I loved you? After what would it be different from my previous behavior towards you?"

Would you trust someone who tells you that he loves you and never has time for you, I do not know what you like and what you do not like, do not ask you how you are, do not do anything for you, not help you, not paying attention to you .. .? I guess you would not.

For the same reason it is not enough to say "I love you." Or repeating affirmations such as "I am a perfect being and is easy to love me." like a parrot.

Part of the everyday and small, and not words, are what makes the difference between "I love myself" and "I hate myself."

You  can, at the end of each day to rewind the movie and see with how much love you have behaved towards you. Praise yourself for every small step forward, be patient and persistent and  gove yourself self worth gestures and words of love, and after a while it will become a habit after a while you manage to convince yourself that you really are worthy of love and that you deserve to love yourself and to receive love from others.

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