Self love- what it is not, and what it is?

Self-love is the basis of quality and full life.
Without it there is no love for others, there is no pleasure in life, there are no good human relations.

When you love yourself  you do not expect others to do that for us.
When we love ourselves we are not  burden for others,  we become their inspiration.

                                                                           
                                                                           
Self-love is often mistakenly equated with selfishness and narcissism.
Selfishness is putting oneself in the center and the neglect of others. Healthy self-love leaves room for others and take them into account.
Narcissism is a disorder in which the emphasis is on comparing yourself with others and constantly emphasizing personal superiority (whether they are real or not).

Egoism and narcissism are not only not the same as self-love, they are its opposite.


Love is a feeling that is directed at one's being. It is an "as a person I'm okay, I'm important and my needs are important." kind of attitude.

No one is perfect, and it's okay to be unhappy with some of your characteristics, habits, things you did ...
Dissatisfaction is good when we are motivated to learn and grow, and as long as it focuses on some parts of ourselves and not ourselves as a whole.
Self-love is often "learned" from a parent or guardian. We accept the way they showed their love to us, and when we grow up we behave towards ourselves in a similar way.
Someone who has often received criticism on his own being and not the behavior ("You're clumsy!" Instead of "Please be a little more cautious," "You're stupid!" Instead of "You did not understand the assignment, explain it to you again, and I need a little more to practice "...) continues into adulthood itself sends such a message, and believes that he will be as good enough to be loved.

Loving yourself is not about being self-sufficient, it does not mean that we do not need the love of others. As in many ways more like men, partnership, friendly, family, ... so we can love others and ourselves.


The first step towards the development of self-love is to accept that it's okay to love yourself and desirable, it is not egotistical or narcissistic.
The next step is to learn to distinguish between being and behavior, and consciously joining forces for what to think of ourselves, and we address ourselves with love.

We can not learn to love others or  ourselves overnight. It is a process that consists of small steps every day and showing the love of self. Taking care of what we need, what we like and what we do not feel good, taking for himself the separation of time and energy for yourself and your needs.

What is important is that behind all of our acts a  message to yourself is, "I'm good and worthy of love."
Questions that may help you to orient yourself in the process, and see if you're on the right track:

"Would I have behaved  this way towards someone you love?"

"Would I say this someone you love?"

"Would I like to be in the company of someone who behaves like this towards me in how I behave towards you?"

"To me it felt good to show love yourself?"

"How would I have behaved towards you if I loved you? After what would it be different from my previous behavior towards you?"

Would you trust someone who tells you that he loves you and never has time for you, I do not know what you like and what you do not like, do not ask you how you are, do not do anything for you, not help you, not paying attention to you .. .? I guess you would not.

For the same reason it is not enough to say "I love you." Or repeating affirmations such as "I am a perfect being and is easy to love me." like a parrot.

Part of the everyday and small, and not words, are what makes the difference between "I love myself" and "I hate myself."


You  can, at the end of each day to rewind the movie and see with how much love you have behaved towards you. Praise yourself for every small step forward, be patient and persistent and  gove yourself self worth gestures and words of love, and after a while it will become a habit after a while you manage to convince yourself that you really are worthy of love and that you deserve to love yourself and to receive love from others.

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