Monday, April 15, 2013

How to protect your child from your love?

Being a parent is one of the most important life roles.
Give birth to a new being, create a new life, watch it grow, to prepare them for independent living is neither simple nor easy.
Although parental love is in most cases an endless and although a huge number of parents want their children the best, the practice shows that a very small percentage of them succeed in that mission.


Successful parents are those who manage to equip their children to live independently.
To bring them to that to be mature and responsible person, to know who they are, how to live a life in accordance with his being, and how to realize their potential.

Almost all parents want, but very few of them and succeed in doing so. Why is this so? There are many reasons and causes, but they can all be reduced to the fact that most parents are simply not taught how to accomplish that.

Endless love for their children and wish them all the best in life is simply not enough.

One common parental misconception is the belief that the amount of worry that they feel the same amount of love.
The more a parent worries about  their child the child is more protected. The more fears over security of their offspring, the child is more protected.
Many parents believe deep down that if you  do not  fear for your child and if you (and the child) is not harassing cares and that means that they are not good parents.
Many have this magical belief that their concerns and fears protect their kids.

And the opposite is true - with fears and worries that go beyond reality, parents are actually harming their children!
Children feel the feelings of their parents, and when a parent is upset and scared to be transmitted to the child. Also, when parents worry and fear more than they in reality have a reason for it, their children send the following messages:

"The world is a dangerous place"
"You are not able to function independently."

And in this way lead the child to become scared and clingy. Thus hamper and hinder their children.

Ask any parent: "Do you want your child to be insecure in his self and afraid of life?" the answer would be, "Of course not want my child to live a beautiful and fulfilling life, to be happy, happy and free!"
If you then ask, "Do you know how you can achieve?" the vast majority will not know the answer.

How parents can prevent that despite the enormous love of your fears and concerns harm to their children and make them less capable of beautiful and fulfilling life?

Here are some guidelines:

Examine it, do you believe that parental love is the same as a concern?

In any situation when you feel fear or worry, ask yourself how realistic are these feelings? How likely is it that all these atrocities to happen to your child as soon as you leave / let alone.

Ask yourself, "Based on what I believe my child will cope in this situation?". If you have some reasons, if your child does not have any skills that they need, teach them. It will be more beneficial than you watch in horror.

When you feel fear or worries, ask yourself "What can I do in this situation to protect my child?". If there is something, do it. If not, driving yourself with worries and fears is unnecessary and, I repeat, harmful!

Remind yourself of all the qualities and abilities of your child, keep them in mind when you are in contact with him. Thus empower them, and showing that you trust them to teach them to have confidence in yourself.

Instead of imagining the worst possible scenario, imagine how your child is happy and content.

Do not let yourself get overwhelmed with fears and concerns! Your responsibility as a parent is to be calm and functional, the only way you can be of benefit to your children.

Keep confidence in your children, so they grow stronger, and thus more protected.
Be a good example for your child if you know how to take care of yourself your child will learn that simply by watching you!

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Saturday, April 6, 2013

The biggest act of love!

There's a beautiful story of how one boy asked his father how much he earns per hour. His father said $ 50. Then the son asked if he could lend him $ 25, to which the father got angry and told him to leave him alone. He just came home from work, tired, and now he's son is bothering him. After a while he calmed down, went to his son and gave him $ 25. Sin  folded under the pillow took some money and the father got angry again. Why did he ask for the money when he already had some? He works so much and his son only wants to buy stupid things!

His son said: "Dad, do not be mad. I was asking for money because I did not have enough. Now I have. Here's $ 50, come tomorrow an hour earlier to have dinner together."

Another story tells of how an old man  found himself in the attic of his son's diary, in which he described the best day of his life. It was a day when the two of them first went fishing. He looked at his diary and saw that it was the same day he wrote, "I've wasted the day  and did not earn anything."


Time is something that we are all assigned to the same degree. Everyone's day lasts 24 hours. Not a minute less, not a minute more. We differentiate ourselves by how we use it. Some are good at it and some are not.
There are different ways to show love, and the father in the story that much more work is probably showing his love for his son show-so he wants to earn more money and provide him the best possible living conditions.

The problem is that the boy concludes, "You have no time for me, I'm not important, you do not love me."
It's nice when others buy us gifts, but that's not enough. No relationship can not be based on material values.

To build any kind of relationship, you need to take time for people we care about. You need to spend time with them, to pay attention to them. Not only watch, but also see. Not only listen, but hear.

Many children have grown up feeling unloved, even though their parents loved them infinitely. They loved them so much that they worked more than one job just to earn more money for their children to ensure better living conditions.
And then, overnight, you see a grown up stranger critisizing you, angry with you, telling you that you don`t know anything about them.

There are also many love affairs and marriages that are broken though it was love between them. Men were rushing in all directions to make as much, to show that they are capable and successful, so their loved ones become proud of them. Women are also raced in all directions, working, raising the children, cooking, preparing the house, pleasing their man. And then after a while the two strangers who once loved each other meet, both unhappy, disappointed, with a feeling that none of it gave not enough.

And it's not enough. To make the relationship work, and grow, it is necessary to spend time together, the talks are necessary, we need a common activity in which all those involved enjoy.


In business you can not be successful if you do not invest enough time and energy in your work assignments.
Why do you think that is possible in close relationships?

Maybe you did not know, you might have thought that others know that you love them by doing things for them. Because they give up and sacrifice to give them something. Now you know that is not so.

Your son will not  be furious because he does not have the best shoes, if you were with him on the fishing trip. He`ll insist for new shoes because he thinks that this is evidence of his value. Because he thinks he is not valuable and interesting. Where did he get that idea? His own father never took the time just for him, just to be with him, to hear him at the school, to see his album with pictures super hero.

Your partner will not love you less if  in the sink there are three plates and four glasses. They will not notice it until you see it with a smile, happy to be there next to you. He will be angry and disappointed, he will feel unloved when after the whole  day of disinfecting the house you do not have time and energy to listen. You're so tired you have no strength left to hug him. No, he is not ungrateful, he's just a human being which needs attention and which need you for taking the time for him. Because he is important.

In today's chronic shortage of time, how to solve this problem?
By planned spending time with you dear and loved ones. Plane that when you  plan your day, week, month ... and keep in mind that your loved ones and that they need your time, you need them more.

I recently read that one man (who works very hard and is successful in his work) wrote that, although they were handing out thousands of miles, his sweetheart, and he sat next to each of your computer and watch the same movie. And even though they were physically razdovojeni they were close. Closer than some who may have sat side by side, each in their thoughts and their plans.

Will you therefore be less productive and successful? No, quite the contrary. You will be calmer, happier, more fulfilled. You will have more energy, the faster you deliver. You will have more time and energy for you and your family. This is creating of a new circle, this time  pleasant  one, filled with moments of intimacy and love.

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