Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Why being happy is good for you?

"When I was five years old my mother told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I wrote " happy. "They told me I did not understand the assignment, and I told them  that they did not understand life. "
John Lennon


Many people believe that happiness is a kind of luxury, something that can be felt only after solving all the problems of life, and when conditions are favorable.
Some even believe that it is frivolous and irresponsible to be happy when so many of them have important life tasks. They need to finish school, get a job, earn money, pay bills, secure his shelter and educate children ...
Some even believe that they are more serious, more mature and dignified when you are  frown and worry global concerns.

Being happy and satisfied for the great majority of people is somewhere at the bottom of priorities. Something that they gave up as soon as they've grown up and realized "what is a life."

In the past twenty years, psychologists have their attention diverted from the disorder and problems to development of human resources and  improvement of the quality of life. They practiced among other things, the study of happiness and on the basis of a large number of studies, conducted in many countries and on a large number of people they came to the following conclusion:

Being happy is not only beautiful but also healthy and beneficial!

Happy people enjoy the following benefits:

  • are more sociable and have more energy

  • are more compassionate and cooperative

  • others prefer them

  • are more likely to marry and stay married

  • They have a rich network of friends and social support

  • are more flexible in thinking and original

  • are more productive at work

  • are better leaders and negotiators, and earn more money

  • they are more resistant to difficult conditions

  • have a stronger immune system

  • they arephysically healthier

  • live longer

Not enough? :)

Now you're probably wondering what needs to happen so that you become happy and enjoy all these benefits. I do not know the answer to that question. I do not know what happens and someone becomes happy. I've never heard that one happened something like that, it's easy to become happy.

But, if you are wondering what it is that you can work, perseverance, dedication and patience, and to build on them attitudes and behaviors that result in a feeling of happiness and well-being of an idea and the policy can be found in these articles:
 A little secret to big success!
Three causes of happiness

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A little secret for big success!

What is the secret to happiness and success?

How to achieve well-being?

How to achieve success?

How to become popular?

How to become loved?

It is no longer a novelty that gratitude is the basis of true happiness and prosperity.

Of course, it is not enough just to be grateful, activity directed towards the achievement of desires and goals is required, we need patience and persistence, but without gratitude is all that much harder. Even when we manage without gratitude for what we have,there will be  lacking a sense of fulfillment and pleasure.

I believe that most of you agree with this statement. And most of you will read something like that and say, "Yes, I am grateful." and continue to deal with some "more" important things in life. After a while, when you read "It is important to be grateful." you might say, "Well, I'm grateful and nothing, neither have the perfect relationship, nor my fortune, and politicians looking away lying and stealing, getting rich tycoons  ... I'm tired of these psychological nonsense!"

If gratitude is the basis of true happiness and prosperity, and I am grateful for everything I have, how come I still do not feel real happiness and prosperity???

Or the theory about gratefullness is not true, or maybe there is something wrong with me. Perhaps this is true for some other people, but not for me.

And maybe I don`t know how to be grateful? How does it work?
How do you become grateful?

It is necessary to develop a state of gratitude ... every day!

When  you expect that when you say "I am thankful!" zou immediately experience the happiness and everything goes like clockwork, it's as if you go to one workout at the gym and expect a perfectly sculpted muscles.

Only when appreciation becomes a habit and a lifestyle you can expect benefits in the form of peace, joy and success.
To remind you, the habit is acquired over time, not overnight.

Some theories say that it takes an average of one month to form a habit.
But not  one month of wishing to get into the habit, but a month of daily activities aimed at acquiring habits.
You can extract each day to at least three things that you are grateful. Fewer each day is better than more things but only once.

Keeping a journal of gratitude  speeds up the creation of good habits even more. In addition, you'll always have a handy reminder when you lose inspiration or fall into a negative phase (it happens to everyone).

Next, it is necessary also important to focus on something concrete to feel gratitude.

It's not enough to say "I'm grateful."

It's not enough to say "I am grateful for everything."

For what is possible to be grateful?

The list is limitless, but here are some examples:


-Good health (if one is suffering from a disease, thanks be to focus on what is healthy for him)

-Healing (even a small shift in the cured)

-Good family relationships,

-Job (if one does not work, can be thankful for all you know how to do),

-Good weather

-Shinning sun,

-Rain that drizzles,

-Day nicespent,

-Problems that are solved

-A kindness that was shown to us,

-Small gesture that made it easy to do things,

-A phone call,

-Nice message,

-Nice word,

-Smile that someone had sent,

-Talent that we have,

-Success, no matter how small it is,

-Little progress in something that is important,

-A smile that we elicited,

Trip-where you were,

-Good people who have a chance to know

-Good people that you just know,

-Music that you good day,

-Good book you've read,

-Good food that you eat,

-Time that someone gave to you,

- ........................

Feel free to update this list of comments. For what it is possible to be grateful?

As I said, the list is unlimited, this is just an inspiration. The more you practice the more  ideas for gratefulness  you have and the more situations and events worthy of gratitude you will notice it.

I will repeat once again, a habit  is acquired by paying attention to everyday concrete opportunities for thanksgiving.

In addition to exercise recognising opportunities for appreciation, it is important to use every opportunity to express our gratitude to others, because no one can know that we are grateful when we do not say, and because everyone feels good to hear that.
Someone may, when saying, "I am grateful to you for ..." say, "It was nothing," but do not be fooled.
Everyone will remember those kind words, and be grateful for them, regardless of whether it shows or not.

You like what you read?
Make sense?
Do not believe a word! :) Check whether this is true or psychologists to me just talk, to pass the time :)

Over the next five days, record, or at least think about three specific things you are grateful for.
And pay attention to how you feel when you direct the attention of gratitude.

And speaking of gratefulness, one of the many things  I'm grateful for is that my articles you read and follow my site and blog. I am grateful for likes, sharing, comments and questions.

Thank you, my dear readers! :)

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Monday, January 21, 2013

Men-are they insensitive?

Numerous studies on the topic of emotional Intelligence show that men are less emotionally intelligent than women.

How does  research prove taht? By the great majority of these studies men score lower on tests of emotional intelligence.
They are worse in recognizing  feelings of others.
They appoint their feelings with less success.
They have more difficulty expressing their feelings.



Is this proof that insensitive? It is not!

This is just a proof that men are generally less skilled in assessing, recognizing and naming emotions.
They are less in touch with their feelings and have a sophisticated technique of repression and avoidance.

Why is this so?

From the very beginning of the human species, while our ancestors lived in caves, men were in charge of the food supply and protection of  the family.
In such circumstances, where behind every bush lurks a dangerous animal, being gentle, compassionate, in touch with their feelings  meant certain death or return to the cave without a catch.

From the territory that belongs to them depended if they  will be able to feed and protect their family. And that is why they fought with men from other tribes. That's why they went to war. Being gentle, compassionate and in touch with their feelings on the battlefield  also meant certain death.

As time went by, we as a species have evolved, and so we came to the industrial revolution and capitalism.
Dangerous beasts lurking behind every bush now acting like babies compared to Labrador baby.
Now men need to be even more "strong", "robust", "unscrupulous" ...

And so the men have always been taught that emotions are something that is dangerous and unnecessary to them. Were taught how to suppress them. And because they have thousands of years of experience in the denial of their feelings,  they became skilled in repressing their feelings. Practice makes perfect.

And then came the twentieth century. First feminism. Women got rid of centuries of slavery and poured all the anguish and bitterness on men. Proclaimed them the greatest enemies and decided to show them that they are better than them, that they are superior species. As the decades passed, this kind of reaction has calmed down and eventually led to a more  balanced attitude towards men.
Now, most women do not think that men are the enemy, most women believe that men are  friendly species and wishes living with them in an peace and harmony.
They want to share their  feelings with men, to be close. And men massively  fail the tests of emotional intelligence.

What is happening  these days  when 2-3 year old girls get affraid? Or falls down and hits it and starts crying?
All the people get soft and run up to comfort them.
What happens when a boy of 2-3 years experience something similar?
Will he get attention, hugs, comforting? Unlikely.
He receives a sentence like "Do not be a baby / girl," "Shame on you, do not let anyone see you cry!" ...
And when he learns a lesson and refrain tears or fear, he receives a "You are a hero!"


Many women complain that men do not want to talk, especially about feelings, not wondering who's ever talked to them, particularly about feelings.
They  declare them insensitive, instead of seeing how many of them are confused about their feelings and inner life. Not because it is an innate characteristic but because they learned early on that "it should be that way".

Many studies and daily life show that men are generally more aggressive than women.
Why is this so?
Partly because of testosterone, and partly because the anger is considered a "male" feeling and allow the boys.
And more importantly-because anger and aggression often cover fear, sadness and shame, feelings that  are "forbidden" for men.

And so the boys grow up with the message that being a man means to be strong and not let anything touch or move them. That the feelings are for the girls. And when they grow they  experience problems. Girls who have now become women  accuse them of being insensitive. This creates a conflict: how to be a man  and to show emotions?

How to be emotional when it is contrary to the definition of manhood and masculinity?

The solution may be to change the definition of manhood and masculinity. Times are different now, men do not go hunting and wild animals had stopped lurking behind every bush.

In this day and age and at this stage of human development being gentle, compassionate and in touch with their feelings is not life threatening.

It is time to recognize it, acknowledge and move into the redefinition of the term "man".

This redefinition would be proper only if it involves itself in man as a whole being, that someone besides thoughts and actions, and have feelings.

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