Monday, December 17, 2012

Anger- is it the enemy of love?

Feelings can be positive and negative. Positive emotions are love, joy, peace ... Negative feelings are anger, sadness, frustration ... When we feel positive feelings that means that all is well, when we feel negative feelings that means there is something wrong with us.

Completely natural and clear. As it is quite natural that the sun shines 24 hours and that spring lasts 12 months of the year.


If we accept this distinction of feelings, it means that we either push all those feelings that we consider unacceptable, and we will be aware of and believe that there is something wrong with us. We will believe that if we love someone, we will feel love all the time. If we happen to feel anger toward that person we will start questioning the quality of the relationship.

"If you really loved me you would never be mad at me. Since I see that you're angry that means you do not love me."

Categorisation of feelings that is much closer to  reality is the distinction between pleasant and unpleasant feelings. Both of them have a function. The function of anger is to let the other person know that  he does or not does bothers us. The function of love is to provide us a feeling of security, belonging and importance.

The main difference between love and anger is that love is a feeling which is related to one's whole being, and anger is related to one's behavior. When we look at things, it is clear that it is not only possible, but also desirable to allow yourself and others to feel and show anger.

"I love you, our relationship is important to me and that is why I want to tell you what bothers me."

Some of you will now say, "Yes, but it can all be said calmly , why anger?". Right,  can say that with calm tone in the voice, and the other person will hear us and understand-but only on the cognitive, reflective level. On the emotional level, our message will not be taken seriously, it will not be convincing. If you want to feel an emotional connection with another being, it is important to communicate accordingly-with emotion.

If in the love relationship of any kind (parents, friends, partner ...) we allow only pleasant feelings, if we do not communicate what bothers us, there is a risk that  we will accumulate the amount of  unpleasant feelings in us, to the point where we can no longer endure a person. Just because we expected that someone could read our mind and know what bothers us.

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